Ouch! What do you call a pony with a sore throat? Will glass coffins be a success? Whats long and hard and full of semen? When he thinks he's "him" but he's really just another "he" som original - . I cant wait to see her face light up when she opens it. Ten-tickles. Why0is it that everything youlove is either unhealthy, addictive, or has multiple restraining orders againstyou? King Henry the Second. I don't think you should be happy. Making it very clear that the question asker was being rude. Be sure to check back with us soon for more funny jokes. just ask them why they are so insecure about things. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are in an elevator. What did the full glass say to the empty glass? It is used in two parts, (when) which is used when some tells you something irrelevant, then when they continue you say did i ask? Why couldn't the bicycle stand on its own? Why do we like volcanoes? Sneakers. Kid 1: "I don't have a sister.". What washes up on very small beaches? What did the leper say to the prostitute? There just arent as many people who believe it. The bartender shows them the door and says, Sorry, we dont serve minors.. Tell me what you need, and Ill tell you how to get along without it since youre not that bright. I told my physical therapist that I broke my arm in two places. Me loving a good discussion ended up having a long disussion over the communists and now he and many others in our group believe i am a borderline nazi. Ask Google Assistant to go to a site in the Chrome app. I know because they told me. Oh look! So whether youre dealing with a hater or just somebody whos generally uninterested, here are 14+ clean comebacks for who cares and nobody cares., Read next: 25+ Baddie Comebacks Thatll Slay Any Situation. Knock knock. If you buy from a link, we may earn a commission. Family Matters actor Marie Jo Payton details an on-set disagreement with Jaleel White. 1. I was kidnapped by mimes once. Why are you listening if you dont know who asked? Usually, they know they didnt. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house. Because theyre really good at it. I have as much authority as the Pope. Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your faceonce you shove them down the stairs, that is. Knock-Knock Jokes. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? 37. You might like: 22+ Witty Comebacks for Rude People. Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? Have fun with some of these. 35) A couple gets married, and on their wedding night, the wife asks what a penis is. A liar. How do you throw a space party? Whats the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick? Why don't math majors throw house parties? If sex is a pain in the ass, then youre doing it wrong . "You wait here, I'll go on ahead.". A dick in your mouth! Because they use a honeycomb. What did the man give his fianc, a card enthusiast, when he wanted to propose to her? 3 Easy Ways to Find it, How to Manifest Good Luck in 5 Simple Steps. I'll meet you at the corner. Why are Penises the lightest things in the world? An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. 12 / 102. If a woman talks dirty to a man, thatll be $6.50 a minute. "Dick jokes, if you craft something amazing out of them, could be the funniest thing someone's ever heard. We all want to have one of those cool moments where you say something really funny or clever in response to the very rude question did I ask you?. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? So youre the only one? A friend of mine went bald years ago but still carries around an old comb. The bear shrugged. Re-Morse code. If you dont like what I have to say, you are free to walk away or share your own story. Traffic jam. Not all men are annoying. If a dove is the bird of peace, then is a swallow the bird of love? 4. She wanted it in case she had to draw blood. Two guys walk into a bar. If only theyd come around andtake him off my hands. } ); This one works because it both acknowledges that you werent asked and draws focus to the fact that you actually did contribute helpful information to the conversation. 3. Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. Our goal is to create English lessons that are easy to understand for everyone. Whats 72? What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? 30 Hoover Jokes & Puns Guaranteed to Make You LOL, 40 Moustache Jokes That Are A Cut Above The Rest, 30 Best Gnome Jokes & Puns Kids Will Love. The line gained popular recognition in mid-June 2011. But hay, its in my jeans. Condoms have evolved: theyre not so thick and insensitive anymore. Whats the difference between your wife and your job? I had to put my foot down. 40. Me! This was voted one of the best jokes of all time in a 2010 Reader's Digest jokes contest: A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who's best at his job. When someone asks "did I ask you", you have only a moment to decide whether to be clever or funny. Why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? Between you and me, something smells. Her navel. When they get to the ski lodge there arent enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? (Its three.). Where are average things manufactured? The bartender says, "Why the long face?". 4. With a mon-key. A nervous wreck. To. Youre dead if the rubber breaks. Learn more about us here. Read up on more bar jokes that are hilariously funny. I stood at the front, cleared my throat, choked back the tears, and said, "Plethora." Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common? Read next: 32+ Sassy Comebacks Guaranteed to Silence Your Haters. What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards? One slip of the tongue, and youre in deep sh*t. Why cant you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? I used to be addicted to soap. How did the pig get to the hogspital? Because theyre used to eating nuts. "Are you gay?". Knock Knock! Whether you want to receive further information on something or want to ask a question or maybe have a suggestion for us to improve content on this website, or probably you wish to report a . Knock Knock! Three guys go on a ski trip together. Where do you find a cow with no legs? short for? Think Im sarcastic? Whats the best thing about dating homeless chicks? What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? If you see me smiling its because Im thinking of doing something bad. Watch the video: Only 1 percent of our visitors get these 3 grammar questions right 28 Best Replies To Hmm (Witty & Clever), 29 Best Replies To Hey Handsome (Witty & Clever), Funnier Or More Funny Comparative & Superlative Forms, 25 Best Comebacks To Suck My D*ck (Witty & Clever), 9 Other Ways to Say Im Good At on a Resume, 10 Polite Ways to Say No Visitors after Surgery, 11 Best Ways to Say Im Here for You to a Loved One, 10 Professional Ways to Say I Am Not Feeling Well. They say you are what you eat, so lay off the nuts already. Where does Batman go to the bathroom? Why was the coach yelling at the vending machine? My mate says I'm getting fat, but in my defense I've had a lot on my plate recently. Because they'll never meet. There is the attention you were looking for. A hooker can wash her crack and resell it. Well, I'm not going to spread it. This is a funny response that puts the focus on the other person. You might love your life, but I think it just wants to be friends. Such as bosses, future bosses, hopeful romantic partners, future in-laws, or random people on the street. 20 History Jokes We Dare You Not to Laugh At. He only comes once a year. 100 Best Corny Jokes of All Time. Here are 45 of his best (and cringe-inducing) jokes from previous shows and appearances, and The Office: Warning: adult humour follows "Where there's a will - there's a relative!" 42. He was in a jam. Whether you're looking for popular kid jokes, animal jokes or, yes, even the dad jokes, we've got them on this list of kid-tested/parent-approved jokes for kids. What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Because every play has a cast. 25. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Whos there? I adore the following, in no particular order: knee-high tube socks, acrostic poetry, and my little brother. A funny response can be to pretend to not understand the question. ThanksI'll never part with it. I hate it when I go to hug someone really sexy and my face smashes right into the mirror. Why dont we see elephants hiding in trees? Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? It is used in two parts, (when) which is used when some tells you something irrelevant, then when they continue you say did i ask? No, but I wanted to save you the trouble of thinking for yourself. 10. When did I ask - slang Used when someone brings up something irrelevant or not wanted in a conversation. Which is faster, hot or cold? She says, "Oh, it's like a dick but smaller." 36) The stork is the . I like waiters, they bring a lot to the table. Would you like to dance? Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back? Knock knock. 35. Privacy Policy. While the forgetfulness could be funny on its own, no one wants to suffer through the embarrassment of messing up a good joke, especially if its one of the, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), why did the chicken cross the road? jokes, Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. There's a time and a place for well-crafted, sophisticated, complex jokes that you have to have a certain level of knowledge or experience to even get. Da brie was everywhere. What does a pig put on dry skin? You could read it as seriously or as a joke didnt walk into the bar. If this made you roll your eyes, just wait until you read some of these dad jokes. Between you and me, something smells. If youre loving these clever jokes, youll get a kick out of these St. Patricks Day jokes youll want to share all year round. Because they are so lavable. I was masturbating today and my hand fell asleep thats got to be the ultimate rejection. Discover short videos related to did i ask jokes on TikTok. Why is England the wettest country? Andy Simmons is a features editor at Reader's Digest. They left a sweet note on my windshield that said "parking fine.". I wonder how many people are in that field. Read on for 39 riddle jokes that'll entertain the whole family. Last updated: Feb 09, 2023 Jokes and Riddles For Kids and Adults to Solve. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. An atheist, a Crossfitter, and a vegan walk into a bar. (Walk. The sheer awkwardness of the situation should set in eventually and the person will walk away. Why did the student eat his homework? Why do oranges wear sunscreen? Hot, because you can catch cold. While theres no guaranteed way to come up with the perfect comeback at the moment, there are a few witty responses that will put the other person in their place. Answer: A Diamond Question: What did the cowboy say went he went into the car showroom in Germany? Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Masturbation is like procrastinationits all good fun until you realize youre just fucking yourself. What did one hat say to the other? My gay friend got fired from the sperm bank because they caught him drinking on the job. When you have an app or website open in Chrome, ask Google Assistant to help you complete tasks, like finding a video to watch or searching for a message. The other girlfriend grabs a paper towel and goes to hand it to her friend, but she trips and elbows her bestie right in the boob. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? Good Comebacks for Who Asked or Did I Ask? Why was the nurse asking for a red pen? With more than 130 jokes to scroll through, the laughs are guaranteed! Computers dont laugh at 3.5 floppies. When you open the trunk, who is happy to see you? Im not sure how I feel about masturbation On the one hand, its pretty great. Ate something. You said youd be home by 11:45!, Actually, the mathematician replies coolly, I said Id be home by a quarter of 12., Explanation: Divide 12 by four, or a quarter. .css-g0owdm{display:block;font-family:Memphis,Georgia,Times,Serif;font-weight:normal;margin-bottom:0.625rem;margin-top:0;-webkit-text-decoration:none;text-decoration:none;}@media (any-hover: hover){.css-g0owdm:hover{color:link-hover;}}@media(max-width: 40.625rem){.css-g0owdm{font-size:1.25rem;line-height:1.2;}}@media(min-width: 40.625rem){.css-g0owdm{font-size:1.125rem;line-height:1.2;}}@media(min-width: 61.25rem){.css-g0owdm{font-size:1.25rem;line-height:1.2;}}Tom Selleck Reunites with Former Co-Star, 21 Shows to Watch If You Like Yellowstone, 'WoF' Fans Say This Is the Biggest Choke on Show, St. Patricks Day Trivia Questions and Answers, Adam Sandler's Wife Jackie Shuts Down Red Carpet, The Reason Hoda Kotb Hasnt Been on the Today Show, Kelsea Ballerini Fans Lose It Amid Career News, The True History Behind St. Patrick's Day, St. Patrick's Day Movies to Feel Extra Lucky. How do you eat a squirrel? I didnt ask you for a response and yet you gave one. What do you call a pudgy psychic? Why don't sharks eat clowns? To get to the other side. How do you make a tissue dance? messedupcole18 3 yr. ago. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Whats the difference between your job and a dead hooker? I dont think its possible for me to become a sniper. Sometimes its good to learn new things. How is sex like a game of bridge? Me: *to the person I was talking to* person two: where? Whats long, hard and erects stuff? One shouts to the other, "I need you to help me get to the other side!" The other guy replies, "You're on the other side!" Get out of here! shouts the bartender. But, heres a warning: Only use them in an appropriate setting where no one will be offended. Where does the general keep his armies? Get ready: Some of what's to come is quite punny. A gummy bear. When Did I Ask Funny Joke Humor Sarcastic Humorous Sticker By plydia From $2.02 Seven Days without a pun makes one weak white T-Shirt Sticker By Newline store From $3.36 Forget About Princess I Want To Be A Zebra Sticker Person 2: Who's there? This had the gang in the orchestra pit howling. What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A bear walks into a restaurant. This is another funny response that will make the question asker seem much dumber than they already do. 1. A little horse. What did the daddy ghost say to the baby ghost? When did I ask? What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? Become the master of pun by memorizing some of these why jokes. These are some responses you might want to keep ready in the back of your mind. Girl: Hey, whats up? Boy: If I tell you, will you sit on it?. Sometimes, you might be in a goofy mood or just want to laugh, so when someone asks did I ask you, you decide to give them a funny response. Unexpected sex is a great way to be woken up If youre not in prison. "I stand corrected!" Oh, that? sniffs the castaway. Question and Answer Jokes What was the reason for the confused looking woman staring at the can of frozen Apple juice for twenty minutes? when did i ask jokes 26.2M viewsDiscover short videos related to when did i ask jokes on TikTok. 7 Up in cider. "What's the bad news?" asks the accused. Some might even make your eyes roll. What did one pig say to the other on Valentine's Day? What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?" I don't know, and I don't care. Now that youve learned 101 new short jokes to share with your friends, check out these classic Laffy Taffy jokes that will sweeten everyones day. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? No, you did not, but everyone makes mistakes. Whats another name for a vagina? if( 'moc.enilnoefiltseb' !== location.hostname.split('').reverse().join('') ) { A pig in a hot tub. For example, Alexa can tell you Star Wars jokes, yo mama jokes and even some interesting trivia facts. Do you love telling jokes? What did one plate say to the other plate? Two girlfriends are hanging out when one spills coffee on her shirt. Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog? "No, I'm not, but don't take my word for it, ask your dad.". Must be none of your business then. Is everyone else here a jerk? 3. These wisecracks are seriously hysterical. said the man in the orthopedic shoes. 49. What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? Theres no menu: You get what you deserve. Take my advice its not like Im dumb enough to. They went up by a, Two cows are grazing in a field. *wink*. Of course, you need to screw a light bulb. Knock Knock! What did the big flower say to the little flower? Why don't chickens play baseball? What do you call a deaf gynecologist? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter. Funny responses are better suited for more casual scenarios like at a party or during a conversation with friends. Why are women like KFC? 2.) How did a card's friends know she was enamored with someone? Spit, swallow, gargle. It is hard to know what response to go with, clever or funny. This is another funny response that makes the question asker seem dumb for not asking for your opinion on the subject in the first place. He ate the pizza before it was cool. I think its time for us to go our separate ways and start making other people miserable. Answer (1 of 77): @Danny Margulies "Did I ask you?" * No, but maybe you SHOULD have. Kid 2: "You will in about nine months.". What do you call a teenage girl who doesnt masturbate? Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? 50 Valentine's Day Jokes 1. A Master Baiter. #challenge #experiment So why wouldn't we embrace any chance we have to giggle at a joke? Christian Bale. See you next month. I used to hate facial hairbut then it grew on me. We all wish that at the moment you could have some great response. Nasty knock-knock jokes: We give some joke weapons to outdo your buddies: Children interpret everything they hear their way. Banana Jokes. 1. This response shows that you really dont care that you werent asked. . "Dill me in!". However, if you are sure about yourself and her reaction, try one of these: There are a lot of stupid jokes among good ones. No, you didnt, but we all make mistakes. I hate it when I go to hug someone really sexy and my face smashes right into the mirror. Explanation: Time is relative, especially to the entity that invented it. Explanation: Dreipronounced dryis German for three. Neinpronounced nineis German for No. Dieser witz stinkt is German for This joke stinks.. With Tenor, maker of GIF Keyboard, add popular Did I Ask animated GIFs to your conversations. Explanation: A rhetorical question is one thats asked in order to make a point but doesnt require an answer. But these clever jokes offer something special: In addition to making others laugh, they make you sound smart. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, the third nun couldnt reach. By the CBC Kids team August 15, 2017 | Last Updated April 08, 2022. Those are just contractions., Why the big pause? asks the bartender. 1. } else { If a moldy dIck had a face, it would have yours . But, deep down, if we are honest, who doesn't smile at corny jokes? There were two goldfish in a tank. What do you call a fake noodle? Thats because when Marx was a little boy, he hated school. Oinkment. Now the focus has shifted back to them, showing anyone in earshot how rude the first question was, making them embarrassed and making you laugh. Gardening Jokes + Printable Cards. His wife asked me if I could say a quick word. What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Wanna hear two short jokes and a long joke? Whos there? Approximately one GB. Getting down and dirty with your hoes. The bear shrugged. If you know of some funny questions and Cortana replies that are not on the list, please share them in the comments section below. What do you call an expert fisherman? A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, Heres something I have that youll never have! I'm a helicopter! Why did the pony have to gargle? Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Readers Digest runs it. What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? King Henry the Second who? ", What did the swordfish say to the marlin? Well. I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me. The German replies, "Nein, just one.". Wait, don't actually look if you want functioning eyes. While it may be tempting to give a rude comment a piece of your mind, doing so is unlikely to change the situation for the better. So what's the best way to get your child to tap into their funny side? Dont worry, said the doc. You boil the hell out of it. What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD? Hes been going through some shit. How is life like a penis? What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes? 3. Why do bees have sticky hair? What does a 75-year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesnt? Whos There? What did the grape do when it was sat on? In addition to the 70 jokes below, we've also got .css-k807px{-webkit-text-decoration:underline;text-decoration:underline;text-decoration-thickness:0.0625rem;text-decoration-color:brandColorSenary;text-underline-offset:0.25rem;color:#006603;-webkit-transition:background .4s ease-in-out,color .4s ease-in-out;transition:background .4s ease-in-out,color .4s ease-in-out;background:linear-gradient(to bottom,#e6f4e1 0,#e6f4e1 100%);-webkit-background-position:0 100%;background-position:0 100%;background-repeat:repeat-x;-webkit-background-size:0 0;background-size:0 0;}.css-k807px:hover{color:#29511A;text-decoration-color:border-link-body-hover;-webkit-background-size:0.625rem 3.125rem;background-size:0.625rem 3.125rem;}dad jokes, jokes for kiddos, mom jokes, and jokes for holidays that you can share them with the youngest person in the room. Same middle name. Phillipe Phillope. This is another funny response that will leave the question asker feeling confused and dumbfounded while also returning to them the disrespect that they have shown you. Why having fun with a prostitute is like a bungee jumping? jokes just never get old. You can drop them off anywhere. One shouts to the other, "I need you to help me get to the other side!" We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. A Maybe. What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed? Because they use a honeycomb. The other guy replies, "You're, What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? One was a-salted. Explanation: This works on a couple of levels: as wordplay (genes vs. jeans) and as scientific fact (genes can determine body shape). A guy will search for a golf ball. How do celebrities stay cool? 14. Get Ready to LOL With These 70 Hilarious Jokes, Your Privacy Choices: Opt Out of Sale/Targeted Ads. What did the buffalo say when his kid went to college? Well it's your lucky day, because we've got . A slipper. Those of you who think you know it all are really annoying to those of us who do. My son asked me what its like to be married so I told him to leave me. A $100 bill. Explanation: No joke has a double meaning here. Because below, we've put together a long list of the funniest jokes the internet has to offer. Forcing the other person to awkwardly explain their rude question. It needed help figuring out its problems. 11. A cocker-poodle boo. Knock Knock Whos there? Youd better be. I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it. and our Ok. (and then continuing usually does the trick). All day thought-provoking questions Funny coffee jokes, check out the funniest Reader s! Because, as mentioned above, the question implies that the question asker does not care about what the person they asked it to has to say. Whats the difference between a woman and a computer? The answers to this and other funny why did joke questions here. There is a conversation happening and you decide to give your opinion or correct a statement and someone looks at you and responds did I ask you? Its one of those moments where after the fact you think of something very funny or clever to respond with, but in the moment you are left in shocked silence.
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